Initium

sometimes i wonder if you care about the things you say to me
you look at me and you think you know me
you dont know what it is like to go bed and beg the heavens to not wake up
you have no idea the pain i carry in my smile 
you dont know what it is wanting to die everyday
the nights i've spent looking at the moon with tears in my eyes
smoking my life away
i pretended to be ok for most of my life
people have asked me in job interviews "where do you see yourself in 5 years"
i lied everytime by saying i saw myself in a better position in the company
i didn't even know if i would see the next sunrise
sometimes it is more painful to lie to yourself
than it is to face your own pain

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